BRRP: Lilith Chester

Where to even start with all this? The zombie apocalypse... The subject matter of movies, TV, books and now reality..... Who'd have though it.

I didn't even get to finish boot camp... Eurgh, I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I?

Right, so high school wasn't exactly a fantastic time for me... Lessons were boring, sitting still was hard, and I got into fights just about every day. I did build myself a little group of miscreants - a gang, if you will - and we got into some trouble! There was a few older kids like myself that could fight and do anything heavy handed, and also some scrawny, younger girls that weren't great in a fight, but they got shit done in their own way...

I signed up with the army, with the hope of eventually becoming a medic. Basic training was pretty fun actually, despite all the push-ups I had to do for shit talking the Drill Sergeants.

Weapons training was fun. We got a special operations weapons specialist, Sgt. Garcia, in to do the training. Literally the only Sergeant not to shout at me in the camp, haha!

But, I didn't even get to finish training when everything collapsed..... At first they tried to pretend like nothing was happening, then they deployed us to the city to back up local law and other forces.

Then as our numbers dwindled and dwindled, the chain of command broke down and it was every man for himself. Everyone left to go find their family, but I already knew mines were dead - hell, I shot my own Dad when I did make it home.... Zombified ass.....

I roamed the streets of Los Santos, scavenging and poppin' zombies. One night, I saw some figures moving around in the distance - too coordinated to be zombs, so I made my way towards them. While they were distracted trying to break into a car, I headed up to a rooftop near them to get a better look.

Well fuck me dead if it wasn't Sgt Garcia - or Leon, as I know him now. I jumped down and ran over to him. Turns out I knew the girl he was with too: Miree. She used to run with us back in high school, turns out she's his brother!

I decided to stick with them. See what the next few days have in store for us...... but it is good to have friendly faces......

The group Leon is with at the moment consists of him, Miree and a rather energetic doctor called Juni. A man by the name of Naoki hangs around with us from time to time, but I'm told he's part of some kind of gang on the island. We spent a good few weeks scavenging around the island recently.

I almost killed a man a couple of weeks back... Leon, Miree and I were out on a scavenging run, and I advanced alone to scout the area. Suddenly I came under fire from some silos from a distance. After I took cover and he could no longer see me, the person used a parachute to base jump from the silos, then climbed back up the ladder. I had him in my sights, but I decided not to take the shot... He was firing at us, true, but something wasn't right - he would know he's vulnerable to my fire but took the risk of going up the ladder.

We radioed him and climbed the silo, with Leon giving me sniper cover. Daniel, was his name. He lived on top of the silos and had a camp there - he said he was looking for his family. He insisted he was shooting at some zombies sneaking up behind me, but I'm not sure I trust that....

Anyway, after getting supplies a couple of week's back, Juni wanted to set up a permanent base of operations to provide care to survivors. We tried to setup a camp at an abandoned caravan park East of the Sandy Safe Zone, but we couldn't get the walls to stay up in the soft sand. We found another place South of Paleto, but eventually realised it was already occupied.

We finally found a place on the North edge of Los Santos which we made our base and christened it "Hope Town", which became the name that the survivors call our group. Juni wants us to stick to a message of peace and help for survivors, but honestly it gets really hard to abide by.

The other groups and gangs know of our neutrality and like to push our buttons to test our limits. So far, we haven't risen to it - but other groups have! Shootings, fights, the other survivors are treating the place like their own playground, and Juni is too reluctant to let Leon and I step in to deal with it....

I've found myself spending a lot of time alone, wandering the streets of Los Santos, scavenging what I can find. People are scared of roaming at night, but honestly, unless you're completely brain dead (or run out of ammo) its perfectly fine. Just... use the buildings to funnel the zombies into a nice easy line, then mow them down.

Anyway, Sgt Garcia has been spending some time with me on the streets of Los Santos the last couple of days, tracking people down, looting cars etc. He kept getting us lost from time to time and making me laugh as he struggled to get his shit together. At one point the idiot fell flat on his face, and I fell to my knees laughing. I started calling him Sgt. Dumbass after that - I think me hates me now, haha!

Funny to think just how much our relationship has changed since the days of "SIR YES SIR" when he was teaching me advanced weapons skills...

It's been fun getting to tease Leon, winding him up. A lot of fun......

**A lot of things have been written down then scribbled out**

--shame he's screwing Juni.....

The Rogues..... bunch of USELESS fucking IDIOTS... I might die because of them......

A day like any other, at the end of a week like any other... Then "NERT Agent 52" came over the radio in partial code saying they were under attack. Turns out Juni has had some kind of dealings with this agent before (that's something to mentally put a pin in for later, fuck sake...), and wanted to go saving them...

As we made our way, we were getting scattered information about what went on and where they were. From what we can work out, NERT were transporting vials of a super strain of the virus when one of the vials became compromised and NERT agent was infected.

We got word they were at a dam, but that wasn't helpful because there's 2 - one north of Los Santos, and one North-East of LS. We decided to split our forces, with Juni and Leon heading to the North dam, while I secured the North East one alone. Over the radio, we could hear that The Rogues and The Zeros were scrambling to assist as well.

Eventually, 52 let off a flare and he was just North of the NRT ranch, we all headed there. I arrived first, followed by The Rogues on an armored Technical. We initially couldn't see 52, but I noticed a commotion in the bushes - 52 was sprinting away from a horde of zombies, led by the infected agent who was making noises like I'd never heard before.

52 shot him down twice, but each time he fell, he got right back up. I readied my M4 and shot the NERT agent down a third time, but he got up yet again - this time running straight for us.

I went to reposition myself, and realised The Rogues were not paying the slightest bit of attention, having a casual conversation to themselves with a super zombie barreling towards them!!! I turned to them and cried out for them to man the gun. I went to turn again to shoot at the zombie, but it'd already closed the gap.

That was when it tore my side apart.....

Everything after that is a bit of a blur..... We eventually met up with Agent 52 out the Sandy Safe Zone, who was trying to contain possible infection from the super-virus strain. He gave me a serum to stave off the infection, but its effects are only temporary - I'll need one injection every week to avoid turning into..... whatever that was.....

Was halfway though one of my "nighttime walks" when suddenly the radio came alive that Alice might be in trouble. Don't think I'd mentioned her here before. Alice is a girl we picked up and became part of Hope Town. She's great. Makes us smile when we need, reminds us of why we're doing this at times.

Anyway, she got caught up in some bad business at a mansion owned by The Lost MC. Officially, Hope Town is a peaceful group, but behind the scenes we do have a "Black Ops" arm for..... dirty work..... my kind of work.....

The "agents" were activated and scrambled to provide cover, but the mansion was well protected. We could barely see as several vehicles left the mansion. Alice radioed to say they had been taken to near the docks and that there was a hostage. "Agent S" and I made our way there, and I suggested we proceed the rest of the way on foot. Someone from NSU spotted us and ID'd us, despite us being masked and out of uniform. Lots of bad blood between various groups and the NSU, but I've worked alongside them before, they're ok in my book.

We proceeded further in with myself on foot and "S" on overwatch. We met up with Alice who was now safe and we advanced on foot to a building they were holed up in with the hostage. "S" and I cleared the building, made sure everyone from Hope Town was safe and got the hell out of dodge.

Was lots of fun doing black ops, it had been a few weeks! Nice to see operations done properly for a change, among all the amateurs that can shoot but not much else.......

Actually, a few days ago we brought Miree on a "operation" to a research facility, looking for supplies. She was absolutely buzzing when we came out of that, I've not seen her like that in a long time - probably not since we ran together back at school. I think its safe to say she'll be coming with us when we go scavenging again!

A group calling themselves "The Clowns" have been attacking Hope Town (I'll leave it to your imagination as to what they look like and the sort of vehicles they drive.....), but jokes aside, the attacks are sustained and ferocious - often resulting in many injuries. Many of the gangs have rallied to support Hope Town when we've come under attack, but they're combat untrained and inexperienced - Leon and I basically have to become babysitters to make sure they don't get themselves killed and to make sure they are actually providing cover to all parts of Hope Town.

Yesterday's attack was different in two important ways. There's always a lot of clowns that attack us, that we know. But one got inside the gates and was shot down... But then got up, and was shot down again, but got up time and time again..... It was growling like the super-zombie from a few days ago. It must have been downed a dozen times before someone burned its body to ash and it was gone. To my knowledge, that's the first time that's happened.

But then, after things had calmed down, a clown came over the radio asking to approach Hope Town in peace. I allowed this - I figured I was already infected with a super strain, what's the worst they could do to me? The clown put down a teddy bear and a wrapped present box.

Opening the box, there was the severed head of a dead NERT agent and a note which read "YOU WILL ALL REPENT SOON. YOU SHOULD KNOW THE ROGUES ARE SNAKES. THEY ARE MUTATING THE VIALS TRYING TO WEAPONIZE IT" and on the back was a photo of members of The Rogues, including their leaded Wheezy, with stolen NERT vials.

I took the evidence to Juni, honestly it made sense: The Rogues were VERY keen to find Agent 52 when he was in trouble, almost too keen..... Juni, unfortunately brushed it off, and the clowns attacked us again today. But after some time had passed, something very curious happened...

One of the clowns walked through Hope Town, but not shooting... We ran up to him, guns drawn, but he simply said he was checking who was here and kept walking. Juni then came over the open radio to say if he was here in peace that he could "vibe with us" (her exact words). A bold choice, given she previously said all clowns should be shot on sight, but it proved an informative choice....

Leon and I struck up a private conversation with the clown (after Juni had fucked off somewhere and left us with him). One clown soon became three. They explained that they had no ill will towards Hope Town explicitly, except that The Rogues were exploiting our neutrality for their protection. They went on to explain that The Clowns are former employees of NERT who left when they themselves became test subjects (their masks aren't masks.... they're part of their skin!!!!).

Since then, they've committed to stopping NERT and anyone using the zombie virus in any form as a weapon. They say that The Rogues have been attacking them during their operations, stealing super-virus samples, then hiding in Hope Town to keep safe. This is why they have been attacking us.

I'm not sure if I believe them 100% yet, but...... From what I've seen there could be some truth to their words... And they certainly have some (if not concrete) evidence to support their claims....

We'll need to see how this develops, but I'd be keen to speak with them again sometime...

Oh, this isn't good.....

After Miree, Dylan and I spent some time at his mansion yesterday, I went exploring at night to a nearby village with Miree and someone else from Hope Town. That's about as much as I remember.....

From what Miree told me, she had to go to deal with something and I became separated from the group. My closed-net radio apparently activated several times, with the sound of nearby zombies - but not attacking - and what sounded like me giggling or laughing, but with a strange, deep growl in my voice. I remember none of this.

I then turned up in Hope Town, alone, on foot, and covered in blood - particularly from my mouth - but I wasn't injured.

Oh god, what the hell happened to me?? I thought the serum Agent 52 was meant to prevent this?!?

I reached out on radio and it doesn't sound like anyone was missing / harmed - I don't think I did anything too bad, so I'll keep a lid on it for now, but holy fuck this isn't good......

I feel exhausted, so I decided to linger around Hope Town for a while, Miree staying with me to look after me.

Some zombies had found their way into Hope Town. They..... weren't attacking us..... Zombies don't attack each other..... Miree is infected too. She told us a while ago. That's why she limps on her bad leg, that's where she was attacked back in the initial outbreak, and it's never quite healed. I remember we were checking out a dark building together, I accidentally shone a flashlight in her eyes. Before she winced away, her eyes reflected the light, like bright candles in the dark.

I wonder if my eyes do the same?

Miree has been keen to get out and about and do some scavenging. A few days ago, I suggested we hit the research facility that Leon, Juni and Jason (Agent 52) did last week - see if we can't find something we missed.

I didn't think she was enjoying it, until we got back outside and she was absolutely ecstatic! She was bouncing and ready for more. Trust little Miree to enjoy breaking into places we probably shouldn't be... Fuck, if Laura, Jane and Chris were still around, we could get the old high school gang back together and really fuck shit up. Shame they're either MIA or dead.....

Anyway, today, I suggested to Miree we check out an old site down by the docks. Before the collapse, I remembered there was a story in the news about a submarine being refitted in the Los Santos docks - we headed down to see if it was still there.

And, oh boyyyyyy, was it still there! It was massive! A nuclear attack submarine up on dry docks. You should have heard the pure excitement in Miree's voice - almost made me forget we were in the zombie apocalypse. Sadly the subs repairs weren't complete and enough shit was welded closed that we couldn't get inside - that would have been amazing!

We went up to the control room and a few warehouse rooms attached to the base before heading back into Los Santos to do more scavenging.

It's been fun scavenging with Miree these past few days. I don't mind being alone but I've enjoyed her company, and it really brought a smile to my face seeing her so happy and energetic.

Oh fuck, I'm hope I'm not catching feelings for her....... Miree and Leon? Brother and Sister... Recipe for disaster, you problem child - sort your shit out Lilith......

I can't do this anymore.....

As if it wasn't bad enough waking up in the middle of the wilderness, no guns, not kit, barely any clothes, then discovering I've been missing for over a week with no memory of that time.

Today I attacked Miree and Leon. I don't remember it - by all accounts I had another "turn", and attacked Miree while she was trying to help me, then when Leon came to find me I attacked him before being put down and brought back to hope town.

I feel sick to my stomach even just thinking about it. Leon was ok, a few cuts and bruises here and there, I've got no idea how Miree is. Leon said she's doing ok, but she wasn't there when I woke up and I didn't see her the rest of the day.

I don't even know if she wants to see me again..... My heart is breaking over what I did........

I suggested, for the next time this happens, they put a GPS tracking chip on me, so Leon and I headed into Los Santos to acquire one. Needs to be somewhere I won't lose it when I "turn" - Leon suggested we surgically implant it.

As for Leon..... Sgt Dumbass..... I fucking told him before to shoot me in face the minute I started acting strange. He won't. I though about doing it myself - even moved my hand toward my holster - but Leon was right there, I couldn't.........

But they should..... I can't hurt them again.... I can't. Leon says it's fine but he has no idea how deeply much I care for him and Miree.

They're all I have left............

So NERT attacked Hope Town while I was out....... I made my way back to the compound, and found a bunch of dead and injured - humans, not zombies - with one male standing perfectly still.

I entered the compound, my gun trained on him and slowly walked towards him. Before I get close enough to talk, a shot rang out from the other side of the compound, and I hit the deck bleeding.

I passed out.... no idea for how long. I regained consciousness, writhing in pain. I was just about to reach for my morphine autoinjector when a NERT agent ran up to me, grabbed me and said "I NEED TO TALK TO YOU". The force of him dragging me up knocked me out again.......

I woke up on the grass with Hope Town, The Lost and other medics treated the wounded.... Well, everyone except me.....

I took out my autoinjector and fired it into my thighs - give me enough clarity to check the bullet wound. It had breached the skin but thanks to my plate it hadn't gone deep. I packed it and bandaged it and got on to my feet.

Seems injuries were the order of the day...... I helped Chris (from the Zeros, now WLF, whatever the fuck that stands for) getting resources for injuries at The Lost' clubhouse, then helped injured Juni and Dylan who'd been taken to a mortuary for treatment (hospital was too obvious a choice).

Someone called Matt was trying to drill into Juni's head..... Not sure what the indication for the procedure was - I said it was a terrible idea, he'd never done it before, nor did he know what he was doing, but Juni survived, somehow......

Being on NERT's radar is..... concerning to say the least....

I took a big risk today...... I radioed Sulfur - the leader of The Clowns, and asked to meet him - as friends.

We met one on one in the countryside. I explained I had been infected with a "super" strain of the virus and the serum the former NERT agent was giving was not working - possibly worsening things. He said something about Strain 14B and that the NERT serum was not an antidote, but a way of disposing of the test subject. He gave me what he said was an actual treatment, but it sounds risky......

He decided to take his helmet off to me - Sulfur himself being the only clown who's "mask" was not sewn into his flesh........ He then rode off to attack another group, I told him "Don't have too much fun" and he just laughed manically before saying "Ohhhh, I will"

Did...... Did I just become friends with The Clowns???

Disturbing thought..... But they do have information that will keep me alive, so I'll roll with it for now.

A violent storm has hit the island last night..... My fucking kitbag blew away in the wind and all my fucking weapons with it......

I went back to check on my car, only to find a massive tree branch through the fucking engine - it was totalled.

Thank god I'm used to walking most places........

I met up with others from Hope Town and we scavenged in the city, got some weapons back. Poor Calvin got attacked by some zombies, but Leon looked after him.

Logan Barlowe drove me North of Paleto to meet with Miree - she had radioed to say she wanted to talk to me. Miree is thinking about leaving Hope Town.... I think this bad business with her brother saying "Juni is his only family left" then not speaking to Miree for ages has really hit her hard..... I don't blame her.....

I don't get it..... He cares for me - enough to look after me and take me places even after I attacked him. Why doesn't he give Miree any affection? She doesn't deserve that.

Dylan let slip Leon had asked Juni to marry him. They're engaged!!! My stomach churned at the news...... You fucking know why......

To Juni...... Of all the people! Do you know what that bitch is doing? She's fucking Felix, the leader of The Lost...... Ok, Ok, I don't KNOW that (although Dylan certainly is sure she is), but they have been spending a lot of time alone together.

I've seen it with my own eyes - he's been huggling in close with her, even carrying her everywhere because "she hurt her ankle". Uh huh.....

If she is....... If she is cheating on Leon..... I honestly don't know whether to tell Leon, or just shoot Juni clean in the fucking head, spare him the heartache.....

I know I have...... strong feelings for him (fuck off diary, being sentimental is not my strong suit), but he clearly doesn't see his "little boot" in that way. Maybe it's better I shoot Juni, he never finds out about her cheating, and hates me, than it is to have go through..... whatever hell I'm sure Juni will put him though........

IF She's cheating.......

You know the one perk to being infected? Zombies don't attack zombies.....

Ok, there's more too it than that, but I'm careful, and don't antagonize them, I can walk among them undisturbed.

Leon, yesterday - the diligent Sergeant he is, was making sure everyone went scavenging with a buddy - groups of 2 or 3, noone alone. I of course ran off straight away, much to his annoyance.

Leon knows, but there's a big group of Hope Towners and I don't want them catching wind of my "situation". I ran off because I can blend in with the zombies, I won't get attacked - as long as I'm not around them......

I made it back into Los Santos today and went scavenging the streets alone. There were a few zombies just vibing on the road.

At one point a horde of about 20-30 zombies turned onto the street. I just mingled among them, scavenging from them as I went. Hell, I even managed to pickpocket 2x pistol mags from a zombified police officer.....

I'm not used to scavenging with company, but I do like that they don't say much.......

Anyway, not a single scratch from that encounter - more than I can say for Juni...... She was on the radio, sounded to be struggling. She radioed that she was on the complete other side of the island - nearly a full day's trek by bicycle (yes diary, a bicycle is the only method of transport I have...) so I couldn't help.

Well, I could have, but my alarm went off that my "treatment" was due. I can't risk "turning" more than I already have, so with the Lost MC and Chris from WLF on their way to help Juni, I found a secure rooftop, took out my medical kit and got to.... "treating"......

I'm going to die..... I can't have long left, surely?

I "turned" again today.... Leon told me I didn't hurt anyone, but I don't think I believe him.... The massive cut down my head, the bruises on my wrist and the shattered bench at Hope Town all tell a story I was restrained, broke free and had to be attacked.

And I don't remember a damn thing.......

What I do remember, was joining up with WLF and Legion because Juni needed to take Leo for a brain scan at the Humane Labs. Such a large force didn't go unnoticed by NERT. I forgot how painful joint operations with non-military folks were..... Fucking amateurs....... Radio comms unclear, unfocussed and unhelpful.

I quickly realised I could only trust myself - and Matt - in that situation. Don't know Matt well, but he's another sergeant from the army and he shared my misgivings about the people fighting alongside us.

We left the labs, and I stayed behind to ensure everyone made it out, god forbid, the others didn't......

We went somewhere called "Rebel Radio" where the group was attacked by the NERT Inferno Squad. Pinned down, we eventually secured an egress, loaded the wounded and extracted. I stayed behind again to ensure everyone had made it out - they had.

I caught up with the forces on the Outskirts of Los Santos. A NERT operative was riding towards me on his bike, I tried to knock him off in my car (oh yeah, I have a car now - Matt gave it to me). He was downed - I walked over to confirm the kill, but before I could, some absolute dumbass from WLF jumped out of a bush and stabbed me in the thigh, allowing the NERT operative to escape.

What a fucking suprise, given their completely amateur antics up to this point...... Matt was also downed by the WLF - I've got half a mind to shoot them on sight going forwards........

Anyway, we stabilised our wounds and reconvened at some villa somewhere.... Felipe, from Legion, turned up and started chastising me for operating along. I fought the temptation to stab him in the face and instead chose to shout at him.

He said "operating alone isn't for you". No idea what the fuck he thought he was implying but I could run rings around him and he'd have no idea I was there.... Anyway, when I explained that Legion and WLF were two groups of complete amateurs that I didn't trust to tie their shoe laces, let alone account for all their extracted personell, he seemed to be understanding.

He then fucked off to go talk to Juni who had just arrived. Miree and Dylan where there too, along with "Scythe" some android or robot or something. Seems nice, but I must confess to being a little wary of a robot called "Scythe". I did see movies before the collapse.... these things don't typically end well......

Anyway, Juni..... Matt told me that Leon and Juni had split up. I was all for shooting her, but then Matt picked me up and dunked me in the water. I chased him back, we fought, we ran...... and I forgot all about Juni...... Was that his plan all along? If so, it worked...... Took my mind right off her.

It was a lot of fun spending time with Matt. We're very similar in many ways.... I actually look forward to spending more time with him - more that I can say about most people.......

Leon turned up on the radio, drunk out of his fucking skull. We found him lying on the Hope Town grass in the rain, crying and loaded pistol in his hands.

I stood him up. I asked him if it was true.... about him and Juni - he said it was, and started crying. I hugged him, then reached for his gun, be he recoiled away from me. I..... shouted at him. Raised my voice at him like I never before..... "GIVE ME THE GUN NOW"...... He swore and handed it over - I unloaded it and handed it back to him.

Through tears, he begged me not to harm Juni.... That he couldn't deal with it if I did.... I told him I wouldn't, but if she put one more foot over the line, I wasn't holding back against her....

My emotions were through the roof...... And that's where things started getting hazy, and we get back to.... what happened at the start of the diary entry.......

Interesting Day. Woke up (in Hope Town, for once) then set off on foot into Los Santos to do some scavenging. After walking for a bit and chatting to Miree on the radio, I was nearly at Rockford, when a black pickup drove passed me but then screech to a halt.

Two men got out dressed in all back, rifles in their hands. I thought about running, but on balance, the corner was too far away and they'd have a clean shot at me the whole time. The wall I was next too would take too long to climb over, so...... I stood still as they came over to me.

They must have had voice modulators in their masks - full faced helmets (they were dressed in all black). They asked me who I was - I asked them who they were they said "we're the ones asking the questions". They looked to each other and said that I was "wanted for cultist affiliation". I didn't resist as they handcuffed me and took me to the pickup.

They ripped my radio off me and threw it into a bush, then took my weapons.

They drove me to what appeared to be their base on the Beach. Not the smarted group I don't think - if it is their main base, well, they didn't blindfold me so I know exactly where it is......

Anyway, we got there and 3 more of them turned up, as did Jerry from The Lost (the only one without a disguise) which was a most curious development.

They asked me my name and group affiliation - I told them the truth, then they asked me what I had to do with The Clowns....... My heart sank - somehow people know about that..... that could prove difficult....... Anyway, I simply said "I have been compliant with you up until now, I will answer your questions if you tell me who you are".

They refused to tell me which group they were, so I refused to answer their questions. They searched my bag, finding my zombie blood, Hope Town uniform and my medical kit. One of them stood next to me, he identified himself as "Pepper", then got onto the radio asking Hope Town for permission to shoot me for "affiliation with cultists". They must have said no because they drove me back to Hope Town , saying I was "Hope Town's problem now" and that they "don't want to start a war with Hope Town"

Can you beleive it? They didn't kill someone they thought was a threat because they didn't want a war with an organization that is LITERALLY ABOUT BEING PEACEFUL.

Worse than that, one of them accidentally let slip who they were: The Shadows - and I didn't even have to answer their questions.

What a joke of a group...... 10 / 10 would get abducted by them again!

Jerry called me over to The Lost clubhouse to try and explain his presence, but honestly his excuse was flimsy..... He was 'vibing' with them and just sort of there. Tried to reassure me that if he wanted me dead, I'd be dead. I'll need to keep a close eye on him going forward......

Curiously, Juni didn't mention the encounter at all when we eventually met up again. Not sure why, not sure what's going on there, but that's a problem to solve on a different day..............

We went to the old research labs with Chris from WLF, who had a vial of NERT Virus. Once Chris was finished, I used the opportunity to search the computer for strain 14B (the strain I have).

I found it, but all the information was corrupted or redacted........ Annoying!

In retrospect, looking it up was a dumb move. Noone asked any questions, but..... the fact I was looking into specific strains could prove problematic.

Particularly after today's abduction, I need to be careful........

This...... will be a long entry - Bit of a fucking rollercoaster, truth be told.....

Day started like most others, alone in Los Santos, scavenging the streets. Matt radioed for me and took me away up a hill somewhere. Told me he'd captured and killed a Shadows agent, and had some more information about 14B - my strain of infection. Not much more than I already knew.

Disheartening to hear there are no survivors of this strain... By all accounts I might be the longest surviving person on 14B. Thanks to Sulfur for that, I guess....

Juni, Miree, and some folks from The Lost and possibly WLF headed to the Humane Labs to conduct more research - Matt and I headed to join them, but whatever the fuck they were doing inside took all the power away from the rest of the building.

After that storm a few weeks back that I lost all my kit in, we didn't have a flashlight - and Matt and I quickly got stuck inside the labs. Knowing there were 5 or 6 of them, and they had got into the labs successfully, Matt then I radioed Juni to have her or at least one of them come out to let us in through the last few doors. After no reply to multiple messages, Matt was growing angry and so was I.

We eventually navigated back to the entrance and decided to leave. I radioed Juni to say that no-one came to get us, so we were fucking off somewhere else. That was when....... it started........

I don't remember exactly what I said, I just remember being blind with rage..... I don't remember exactly what Juni said, I just remember the unshakable urge to rip her fucking voicebox from her FUCKING throat *handwriting got worse in her anger writing that*... I just remember Matt telling me to calm down........

Eventually the NERT sensors were triggered and the radio lit up with sounds of forces heading to Humane. By this point Matt and I were in the docks in Los Santos, but we made straight for the labs.

When we got there, we found a new NERT drone-tank type fucking this..... Only small, but everything we threw at it barely even made a dent. Matt took to driving trucks at it - it shot me..... Eventually news of the new drone spread, and more and more islanders turned up to take their pop at it, giving us the out to extract after Juni, Miree and the others were safe.

They all left.... Except me..... I watched from afar as the other groups arrived to try and scavenge the drone. Hell, two people even came to where I was hiding, one of them jumped in the bush I was watching from. I could feel the heat from him, he was that close, yet he had no idea I was there.....

Eventually they all left, and I set off walking along the coast.

And I.......... I cried....... Can you believe it? I cried...... I can't do this anymore...... Hope Town..... 5 years I've spent with Leon and Miree, they're like my family now. Matt, Jack the others, I care about deeply too.

I can't do it...... I can't watch them continuously be put in harms way by Juni's reckless decisions. Her quests for science and labs is coming at the expense of the people she swore she'd protect. I don't think I can watch that happen.....

You know she even used the fact I was infected as an excuse for why she treated me this way? I can't deal with this anymore. I either have to kill Juni, or leave Hope Town. Judging how upset Miree was sounding on the radio about Juni and I fighting (that I do remember), I don't think she'd ever forgive me if I killed Juni. Poor Miree, she's gone though so much - I couldn't put her through that too. She'll be upset if I leave...... but honestly I'll just cause too much problems I stay.

Better I go than I stay and kill everyone.......

If I'm leaving Hope Town, I need to clear the air with Leon. 5 years we've fought side by side....... I can't let him think I'm abandoning him. Particularly after last time I saw him he was distraught, not coping with what Juni had done to him.

I found a cabin by the coast and radioed him to come over, alone. I told him I wanted to leave.... He didn't seem phased..... I told him what had happened with Juni...... He didn't seem phased.......

Almost like he knew this was coming......

He lifted up his shirt and showed a massive scar across his abdomen. Apparently Felix, who Juni had left Leon for, had attacked him, cut him up then left him for dead. Then Juni apparently refused to come help him - none of the rest of us were around either.....

Not just that, but he had other misgivings about Juni's leadership of Hope Town too....

We decided to unwind by having a few drinks on a boat by the cabin, but suddenly the radio lit up that we were all needed to go rescue that fucking robot from NERT on some godforsaken island somewhere.

The Shadows agent who was in charge of it all called me incompetent and put Leon and I on "escape car" duty. I was tempted to rip his throat out where he stood - the red mist comes really easily to me these days......

We got to the island and made our ways to the NERT stronghold. As the main force extracted, we came under attack from a zombie like I'd never seen before. Fast, invisible at times, powerful and barely even recognizable as human... Leon referred to it as "24A" and seemed terrified.

We bugged out and headed for the docks, where we came under attack from 24A again, but something seemed off. Like, it was there and chasing us, but not attacking us. As we loaded the boat to extract, I got back off....

It was a big risk, but I had an idea..... Leon tried to follow me but I had to shout at him to stay the fuck away.... I couldn't risk him if I was wrong....

I walked up to 24A with my hands up to show I wasn't a threat, and it just.... watched me... curious... With a horrifically distorted voice, it tried to speak to me. "He hurt us" it said. I asked if it was Brenner - the head of NERT, but I couldn't understand the reply. He said a few things that I couldn't hardly understand - just a couple of words here and there.

Miree came off the boat and joined me with 24A. 24A asked if we "were like him" - infected. We nodded, that we were. And continued trying to converse with him when McChicken from The Lost suddenly approached us. Before I could warn him to keep away, 24A ran off into the island and we didn't see him again.....

Leave it to The Lost to completely fuck everything up.......

The robot secure, and everyone accounted for, we fucked off back to Los Santos and parted ways. Leon and I continued up to our little cabin from before and continued our..... conversation..... We sunbathed on the roof of the boat, drinking some tequila he had stashed away.

Eventually Matt and Pepper turned up. Oh, that's right..... Pepper....... Pepper is from The Shadows - the group that so hilariously abducted me a while back. We had cleared the air earlier in the day - I told him everything. They knew the start of it, and it was dangerous to leave them with half-truths. He joined us on the NERT Island operation.

Anyway, it seems that on that operation, Matt acquired a super secret, super strength NERT vial - meant for NERT commander's eyes only. Only the 4 of us (me, Leon, Matt and Pepper) know of it's existence. We all agreed that noone else, and especially not Juni, should know of its existence.

It seems I'm not the only one with serious misgivings about Juni....

Eventually someone from The Lost turned up - not sure how they knew where we were - and Leon and I, and Matt separately, escaped clean fucking out of that place.......

Leon and I didn't actually go far from the cabin - just to a lighthouse to the North - just until they had all fucked off from the cabin.

Matt had been teasing me for weeks about my feelings for Leon... I think...... he's the only one that knows....

But today at the cabin, Matt mentioned it in front of Leon and said "I've seen the way she looks at" Leon....

Up at the lighthouse, Leon asked me what he meant by that. I..... just kind of stuttered at him, flustered. We swam out to the lighthouse, and tried to break in - we couldn't.

He asked me some questions, and I honestly can't remember what they were - because what happened next happened so fast...

By the water, he pulled my waist closed to him and he kissed me. I.... I think gasped at first, in surprise, but then I kissed him back.

5 years..... 5 years of watching him and Juni, hiding my feelings and making sure noone knew - especially not them..... and today we kissed.....

With a sigh, he took off his engagement ring. I asked him if "Matt was right", that we're "a thing" now - he nodded.

We headed back down to the cabin and had some drinks, and I lay in his arms on the roof of that blue boat.....

I won't forget it.... 5 years..... After 5 years of the most horrific things people can witness, in that one moment, every just washed away with the waves, and we were both at peace.

We lay there for a few hours, then we set off to do some scavenging north of Sandy Shores. As the afternoon wore on, I wanted to check out a house I'd spotted off the road earlier in the day, so we set off on foot to take a look.

Only something was wrong, terribly wrong. In the distance we could see the silhouettes of 100, maybe 200 zombies running around. We turned to leave, when we was a young girl running away from them all. We drew our guns and shot down all of them - using most of our ammo in the process....

The girl was injured - an arrow to the leg and a bite mark on her arm. Bambi was her name - she said she'd been attacked by a cultist group of clowns. We took her to Paleto to try and patch her up but she turned and lashed out before our very eyes - her eyes glowing a brilliant red. She knocked me down and tried to bite me - missed.

Whatever she was, she pulled zombies out of the nearby woods, and we had to flee Paleto - the safe zone was overrun. I put out an emergency distress broadcast instructing all islanders to stay clear of North East San Andreas...

We tried to flee to the south, but someone had setup a large armored truck as a roadblock. We headed back through Paleto then north past the abandoned cars on the highway. As we passed, a figure dressed all in purple was standing on a bus, watching us......

We struggled for places to go, but I remembered Dylan's mansion. It overlooks the road out of Paleto, so we could use it to supervise anything trying to leave the Paleto area.

I got onto the radio..... If it was The Clowns, I have a good relationship with Sulfur - so did Leon, which was news to me, but that's questions for another day......

Sadly, the leader - "Posh" - said that he had had Sulfur killed for being weak. Another one - "Whooley" - said "said nice mansion" over the radio - they knew where we were.....

I asked if they were amenable to friendly conversations like Sulfur was. They didn't answer, but a clown van did arrive and one got out. Maybe Whooley? But he refused to confirm.

Turns out allowing this conversation was a big mistake.... The Clowns asked for Leon, they wanted to take him away, and when it was clear he wouldn't go, he pulled out a manchette and stabbed him before leaping over the wall. I jumped the wall and unloaded a mag into him, killing him. Juni, Pepper and Felix arrived (I think Leon must have radioed) just as The Clowns attacked......

Leon was stabbed, Felix was shot in the head, and I was sniped from the hill because fucking Juni wouldn't let me carry Leon.....

I stabilized myself, Juni looked after Leon, but was then shot herself, while I tended to Felix then Juni. It was a complete mess......

Leon got back up and went out to rejoin the fight. I tended to Felix when Juni came round to say Leon had been captured and taken away by them.

My heart started racing, my voice growling, my breathing laboured. I was turning again, but..... why could I remember it this time? Why could I..... focus..... without killing Pepper who was in front of me? Questions for later.

The Clowns wanted Felix. Juni refused to give him over to them. Despite everything Felix has done, done to Leon.... She still stands by him, fucking..... bitch.......

I had a plan...... Kill Juni, and maybe Pepper, and take Felix's unconscious body to The Clowns. Pepper..... might be amenable to the plan. I decided to risk asking him - he didn't notice I had drawn my pistol and was ready to shoot him at a moment's notice. But, to my surprise he nodded when I told him my plan.

Snarling, growling, struggling to keep...... "14B" inside me...... I walked down the stairs to find Juni, but she had gone.....

Juni had run off with Felix, god knows fucking where..... I shrieked down the radio...... I..... never knew I could make that noise.......

Wherever she was, it was too late..... she'd cost us our chance to get Leon back..... Intact.....

The sounds of him screaming down the radio boiled my blood. But eventually, in a cold voice like nothing had happened.

Barely able to control the car in my "altered" state, I drove to where we was. He was..... different......

Everything was wrong...... He thought it was 2008 - 14 years ago. That I was part of his platoon - but I didn't meet him until 5 year ago. That I was a corporal - but he didn't promote me until earlier today. I tried to break through to him, but I couldn't......

Then this... thing.... appeared..... A man, in old, desert combat gear. It spoke to me, telling me I was in Leon's way, that I was a bug that needed to be crushed. I walked up to the thing and pulled its mask down. It looked just like Leon, but younger.... almost..... 14 years younger......

He wasn't real..... This young Leon..... but what was he?

Questions for later..... Things took a sinister turn, and suddenly Leon was acusing me of being a traitor to the United States, that I was part of NERT and that I needed to be killed.

He then pointed his gun to my head, I knew he was about to shoot. Everything went..... red? I think I snarled at him, sensing the threat, and charged him down. I collapsed on top of him. And suddenly the red mist was gone...

I looked at him.... if this was the last day I was going to get to see him.... well, I kissed him. Then sat on the ground crying... I thought I'd gained everything today, but in that moment it seemed like I'd lost even more....

He must have hit his head on something when I knocked him over, because he stayed unconscious on the ground a while longer.

Suddenly he came to, and he was his old self again... I tried to explain to him everything that had happened, but he was too confused, and I was too distraught to really make any headway.

Oh god, what if this happens again? Is this what he's been putting up with me?

What the fuck did The Clowns do to him? Who the fuck was..... was THAT who was with him....

I'm tired..... He's tired......

We drove back to Hope Town and opened one of the rooms. We kissed each other goodnight, climbed into bed together, and promptly passed the fuck out, exhausted.......

Well, its all gone to shit...

Juni is dead, and the entire island is out for blood against Leon and I......

Wheezy, the man who saved Leon from Felix's attack, was injured, in need of help, and Leon and I rushed to his aid, with no other backup. The horde surrounding them was big, about 50+. I drew them all away, so Leon could get to Wheezy, and get him extracted.

The horde cut me off from them, I couldn't extract. I told them to leave, because Wheezy was critically injured. It was another 10 minutes of fighting before I was able to make it back to my car to get out.

I joined them at Hope Town, and holy fuck what a mess. Juni was working on Wheezy, while some person in a red helmet and Leo were aiming guns at Leon. No idea what's going on but I've got Leon's back, so I aimed my gun at them. Leon punched Leo out cold, but Red Helmet (I've no idea who it was) kept aiming his gun at him and asking about the vial.

The vial? Could that be the one Matt took from NERT? Last I heard Matt had it. But..... with Leon's voice growing cold, like it does when the brainwashing takes hold, Leon pulled out a vial from his pockets shouted "This vial" before throwing it against the wall.

Yesterday Matt had told me the Vial was for NERT commanders eyes only and probably had the ability to kill the entire island. And it's just been smashed against the wall.......

Poor Leon, he didn't even know he did it, it was all the brainwashing.....

Juni collapsed, having been splashed by the liquid. I ordered Hope Town to be evacuated.

Last man out (as I always am), I made sure everyone had left, then picked up Juni. But as I got to my car, The Lost were waiting. Atkins didn't want to take Wheezy to safety.

I had to make a choice...... Surprisingly the hardest of my life..... Juni was covered in the liquid. She was either dead anyway, or would survive long enough to get Wheezy to safety and get back for her. She'd protected Wheezy from the liquid, I couldn't rink him getting covered in it now.

So I chose to leave Juni behind..... We'd already risked so much for Wheezy, lets get him secured, then we can deal with with Juni.

With Juni incapacitated and Leon at risk of further brainwashed episodes, I took command of the situation and instructed the affected people to decontaminate and keep away from populated areas. I didn't want to, but with no information and little other choice, I reached out to NERT by the radio for instructions.

Meanwhile I looked over Wheezy's wounds as we drove. They were completely untreated - Juni had flaked on whatever treatment she was trying to administer. I kept pressure on the wounds until we arrived, then let Leon take over - he being the one with more medical experience than me.

I kept on the radio trying desperately to keep everyone alive. A NERT response team, having already been alerted to the outbreak by their sensors, had arrived at Hope Town, and by all accounts had taken Juni away, saying they would treat her and look after her.

I headed back over to check on Leon and Wheezy. Wheezy........ had died.........

Holy shit...... we risked everything...... We left Juni behind, all to keep Wheezy alive...... But his injuries were just too severe......

Wheezy saved Leon when noone else was able to..... Strong and stoic as he is, his distress was palpable.....

Leon found some vials in his pockets. NERT vials. One had the word "cure" and Wheezy's initials on it. Wheezy had bite marks over him, but hadn't turned...... Could he be immune? Leon certainly thought so, so we took his body down to the University of Los Santos to try and process samples of his blood.

But before we could....... Miree was on the radio, coughing like nothing I've heard before.... We had to go get her......

We got to her, she had coughed up a lot of blood.... I was on the radio to NERT, trying to keep order on the radio and get help for us all.... They wanted to take us all in for treatment.

I wanted us to get help, but it's NERT...... they don't have a good track record..... I asked them for an olive branch..... they gave us a tank to come meet with us.

They said they would treat everyone exposed and return them unharmed, in exchange for the perpetrator that released the virus. I explained that the situation was more complicated than they knew - Leon was brainwashed, but how could NERT know that from afar....... The good thing is they didn't know it was him that threw it.

But then the story changed... They wanted to try two perpetrators. The one who threw it, and me... I was going to speak in my defense… but...... If it meant everyone got treated? Miree is on the floor coughing up blood, my lungs are burning..... Ok.... I'll allow it.....

But then the story changed yet again. Now NERT would only treat the person in the worst condition - Miree and the rest of us would be treated later..... I wasn't happy with this, I protested to NERT, but they wouldn't budge......

But Miree wanted to go..... so we gave them the nod.

As the tank left, and a NERT helicopter was summoned, news came over the radio. Juni could not be saved...... She had died receiving treatment at NERT.

You'd think I'd be happy...... As much as I hated her....... She didn't deserve to die like that...... We had our differences, more so lately than ever.... but after 5 years of being by her, Leon and Miree's side...... I cried.......

The NERT helicopter arrived. I spoke to the Agent. I said that we've been open and complaint with them, the only thing I ask is that Miree keeps in comms contact with us while getting treatment - he agreed. She flew off....

My heart sank to my toes...... This is wrong..... all of it......

Even if they took us and put me to trial..... I'd have given anything to have gone with them........

Leon and I fled the city. I started coughing..... First only occasionally, then worsening...... then coughing up blood........

There was no reply from Miree. NERT radioed to say she had volunteered to meet a "VIP" and had to surrender her radio...... rats...... I asked them for help, telling them I was getting worse.

Suddenly the came over the radio, telling me I was a terrorist and they were leaving me to die. Why??? Why me??? The ONE person on the entire island who tried to contain this outbreak..... Who wanted to work with them - the first non-NERT agent I know of who gave them a chance...... Why me.......

Suddenly the radio lit up..... Sterling, Atkins, Leo..... the ones who's fuck ups after the vial broke led to me having to chose between Juni and Wheezy.... were now blaming Leon and I for both of their deaths..... They were there! They say the Red Helmet man hold the gun to us, force the situation.......

Leon I can sort of understand, they don't know about his brainwashing. But why me???

They said it was because I was holding the gun to Red Helmet, that I forced the issue......

WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY MEAN???

If they turned up at The Lost Clubhouse and an unknown man was holding a gun to one of their members, they would have done THE EXACT THING THAT I DID, AND THEY KNOW IT......

I don't know why their acting like this? The sudden u-turn from being friendly after the outbreak to this...... Have they been infected? Have they lost their minds? Were they with the Red Helmeted man the entire time?

Something isn't right with how they are acting...... It doesn't make sense....... They would have done the same thing I did, and they know that. How could I have possibly known Leon had Matt's vial....... Why can't they understand that....... Why....... Me........

The coughing got worse, the blood started too pool..... I got weak....... I couldn't fight it anymore........

I must have slipped into unconsciousness, because a lot of time had passed and I woke up in a quarry with Felix and Chuck from The Lost pointing guns at Leon, and someone dressed in all black, sat behind me pointing a gun at me.

My ears were ringing, I couldn't make out what anyone was saying. I just made out "but Wheezy is still dead" before Chuck let out a shotgun blast shooting Leon down on the floor.

I'd already been breathing hard and the "red mist" was coming back, it had obviously been too long since my treatments.... Felix turned to me and said "till death do us apart and all that". I snarled and charged him down, but he pushed me off, Chuck now training his gun on me and aimed mines at the 3 of them.......

The figure in black pulled up the their motorbikes, as Felix pointed out Leon was bleeding out.

Distraught, I told them to leave before I killed them all, before running over to Leon. Felix just laughed as they rode off.

He radioed to say he wouldn't be so lenient next time, I replied to say I don't care - according to the entire island I'm a dead woman walking anyway.

They don't see it...... Leon and I risked EVERYTHING to try and save Wheezy. We very probably caused Juni's death, trying to save Wheezy..... They don't see that......

I went to tend to Leon's wounds, but before I could the daemon revealed itself to me - in its true form this time.

It was horrific..... It told me to move out the way and then crouched down over him and did....... something...... And he wasn't bleeding anymore......

The demon reverted to his "young Leon" form, before standing Leon to his feet.

It told him to be redeemed, he had to kill 5 people. If he failed, he would be tortured for all eternity.

It named Miree, Jack (from Hope Town), Church and Felix from Lost, and........ me.......

The demon told my infection could be useful, and if I weaponized myself and myself useful to it, it might take me off the list.......

Demon left, Leon snapped out of it, and of course didn't remember any of it.... I told him, he just seemed..... scared.....

Something we'll have to deal with later, but for now we're tired, we're probably being hunted.....

Leon and I need to lay low for a few days - When we get back to it, we're going to have a war on our hands......

No-one found us yet. Maybe they've stopped looking? Maybe they think we're dead.......

Perhaps that's for the best.....

Leon and I have just been hanging around at the cabin, feet in the sea. Him telling me about his stories from the army, me telling him about all the shit Miree and I got up to in our little gang back as teenagers.....

Could this be peace at last?

No....... The events of that day still weigh heavily in my mind, and my heart.......

Perhaps if Wheezy had survived, maybe that might have been some recompense......

But no, I left Juni to die to save Wheezy, who died anyway. And I have no idea what happened to Miree with NERT......

Hope Town as a place and as an entity is pretty much destroyed because I had to lead it...... Juni is dead...... Wheezy is dead....... The whole island hates me and Leon.......

NERT are the boogeymen of the island, but I'm tormented by the idea I've done more harm than them...... To people just trying to help others....... To the people I love.......

No, this isn't peace.... But this is torment I deserve.......